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The Kosher Computer From HP-Compaq
 

While in Israel I found a great buy on a computer. It is a kosher computer called a CompaqSHALOM. Mine arrived today. If you or a friend are considering a kosher computer, you should know that there were some important upgrades and changes from the typical computer you are used to, such as:

* The "Start" button has been replaced with a "Let's go! I'm not getting any younger!" button.

* I hear "Hava Nagila" during startup.

* The cursor moves from right to left.

* It comes with two hard drives, one for fleyshedik [meat] business software and one for milchedik [dairy] games.

* Instead of getting a "General Protection Fault" error, my PC now gets "Ferklempt."

* The Chanukah screen savers include "Flying Dreidels."

* When disconnecting external devices from the back of my PC, I am instructed to Remove the cable from the PC's tuchus."

* The multimedia player has been renamed to "Nu, so play my music already!"

* Internet Explorer has a spinning "Star of David" in the upper right corner.

* Microsoft Office now includes "A little byte of this, and a little byte of that."

* When running Scandisk, it prompts with a "You want I should fix this?" message.

* When my PC is working extremely hard, I occasionally hear a loud "OY Gevalt!"

* There is a "monitor cleaning solution" from Manischewitz that advertises that it gets rid of the "schmutz und drek" on your monitor.

* After 20 minutes of no activity, my PC goes "Schloffen."

* Computer viruses can now be cured with matzo ball chicken soup.

* If you decide not to shut down the computer in the prescribed manner, the following message appears: "You should be ashamed of yourself."

* When Spellcheck finds an error, it prompts: "Is this the best you can do?"

* The PC shuts down automatically at sundown on Friday evenings.
 

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